When 50 Shades of Grey came out in 2011, to say that it caused waves would be an understatement. On one hand, it brought more eyes to a genre that had previously been something that women had been taught to be ashamed of, creating a sense of normalcy out of it. However, on the other hand, the poor and sometimes neglectful depiction of BDSM practices enraged a large community of people, myself included.
One of my biggest fears about writing erotic content is that someone will take something I've written and accidentally hurt someone. Spicy content is meant to be a fantasy, so you'll often find content and scenarios in books that would never work out in real life. However, I still go the extra mile to ensure that the scenes I write are as realistic as they could be and very clearly consensual, regardless of the kink content to avoid misunderstanding.
That's not to say that I won't write scenes that can be dangerous; I've written knife-play, choking, and even consensual non-consent scenes, but I ALWAYS make it clear that both parties consent enthusiastically. By its very nature, BDSM and by extension, all kinks can be dangerous but what makes the difference between slicing someone up with a blade and knife-play is that aspect of consent and respect between partners.
Where 50 Shades of Grey fell flat was the consensual aspect of the primary relationship. Sure, Anastasia signed a contract, but at no point in the story could she back out or rework that contract if she discovered something that was a hard boundary for her. Without constant communication and safe words added to Christian's clear disregard for her comfort, that was just abuse.
As an author of spicy content, you have a responsibility to depict extreme sexual acts as accurately as you can. If something is a scene, make that clear from the beginning. If something involves pushing boundaries, make sure you integrate a safe word and checks throughout the story. And if one of your characters safe words out of a scene, never punish them for it unless you're very intentionally trying to make a point that the other person in the scene is an abusive piece of shit.
There's a time and a place to write disturbing, abusive relationships, but in spicy books that are intended to create the ideal fantasy of sex? Not the time or the place.
Unfortunately, this is a trend that most of us have seen in popular "spicy romance" books in the media; however, regardless of what's trending right now, I believe that we as authors owe it to our readers to do right by them. We can do better, and we should do better.
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